Morning Person™ (Disclaimer Required)

For people who hit snooze 6 times and call it "manifesting"

Formulated for the chronically nocturnal who keep saying they'll become a morning person 'starting Monday.' Contains a proprietary blend of wishful thinking, caffeine dependency, and the audacity to set a 5 AM alarm you'll never actually wake up to.

Key Ingredients (That Don't Exist):

• Circadian Delusion Complex™ - Helps you believe this time will be different
• Snooze Button Antagonist - Theoretically prevents you from hitting snooze (it doesn't)
• Productivity Placebo Peptides - Makes you feel accomplished for waking up before noon
• LinkedIn Influencer Energy - That thing where people post about their 4 AM routines you'll never have